Embracing your wants and don’t wants.

model gown round

I can’t believe i”m here again.

I’m right back where I have been before, declaring some big lofty goals and then somewhere down the path, starting to question whether or not I even want to do the thing I swore up and down I would do.

I’m talking about my Aug 23rd competition.

It’s not that it’s too hard. Truth be told, I haven’t done much yet other than increase my weight bearing exercise. The hard part (dieting down) hasn’t even started for me yet.

My problem is that I”m feeling a little “meh” about the whole thing. I can anticipate how difficult this will get, and even though I’m going to do it my own way, it’s still a process of dieting down and I can’t seem to wrap my head around that concept anymore. I’m finding that I’m eating more in anticipation of a point where I’ll have to eat less, and I know where this story ends.  

The last time I felt like this, I was publicly declaring my goal of qualifying for Boston on my first marathon (crazy-pants, I know). It was my knees more so than my heart that put the kibosh that goal, but nevertheless, I had to eat a little crow.

I fear that same meal might be coming my way again soon.

I haven’t exactly given up on the idea yet. There is a part of me that really likes the idea of getting on stage again. I love the day of experience, but I really do not love the process. The question is ultimately which feeling will win out.

I guess that remains to be seen.

I do feel bad about waffling, but more so, I feel bad about publicly waffling. I created this little space on the internet to inspire others to chase their own dreams, but I’m feeling a little fraudulent given my lack of inspiration to chase after my own. Perhaps I’m even questioning if this “goal” is really a dream or not.

I’m not sure what the takeaway is here. I wish there was a nugget of wisdom to share about how to get through the waffling process that precedes a decision to quit, but I don’t.

Do you?

What would you do if you set yourself a goal to do something, publicly committed to it, then somewhere down the line decided it’s not really something you’re excited about anymore. Are you the type to push through, or would you just stop?

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  1. i wouldn’t worry about whether it was public or not, we have the prerogative to change out mind, especially if it isn’t working for us. there is a difference in giving up, and reassessing the goal we set. determine what made you set the goal in the first point, what you wanted to achieve from the goal and then do what you need to do to get that result, if it is truly important to you and only you. i feel like you are giving us permission to stay true to ourselves rather that looking like a failure or copping out. proud of you no matter what you do.

  2. I guess the nugget of wisdom or moral of your story is it’s complete normal and reasonable to question yourself from time to time. In fact, not second guessing yourself can lead to disastrous results. Self reflection is a good thing, and you know I’ll support you whichever way you go.

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